Alternative Therapies- Guilt in grief

Alternative Therapies- Guilt in grief

I don’t think I have ever worked with someone who didn’t have some feeling of guilt.

Was it the right decision? Did I do the right thing?

I should have said this / done more…

I shouldn’t have…

What if / If only I had insisted on them going to the Doctors sooner?
The list is endless…
Suddenly Debbie said: “But what if it was me who killed him in the end…?” Her son Shawn had died after a long battle with cancer and endless surgeries. After one surgery Shawn had not be able to get out of bed. Mum had insisted on the Physios coming every day to move his limbs and when he was ready they sat him upright on the edge of the bed for a little while. Debbie told me how her previously athletic boy now got the biggest joyous kick out of it. Just being able to sit on the edge of the bed holding himself steady with his own two feet and legs gave him so much joy. Not long after one of those sessions he died peacefully in his sleep.

Debbie could not shake feeling like it was her fault. If she hadn’t insisted on the Physio training, maybe he would still be alive.

Her conscious, rational, logical mind also knew that these thoughts were not true at all. Still she just could not shake them. No matter how many times she tried to tell herself, no matter how many arguments she had with herself.
This is so common. It’s as if on the one hand you know that you did the best but on the other hand there is always that questioning…

And it’s also the same when it comes to “I should have said this / not said that” A part of you wishes that things had been different. Of course it does! Because if things were different you wouldn’t be in so much pain…

So it’s obvious why your unconscious wants things to be different. Again it wants to protect you. But somehow your unconscious has not realized that you just can’t go back in time and change the way things happened. (Trust me, if it was possible I’d be the first one to go back.)

A part of you is desperately trying to make you feel better… In a way that does not really work all that well, but it’s trying... And from that positive intention is where those internal arguments come from…

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